Which is it? I cant figure it out. I feel Blah, all the time. Its not that I am sad all the time, I have my moments, I just feel that I don't have the energy to do anything. Even the simplest little tasks are draining for me. I want to sleep all the time, But I think Ive always been that way. I don't want to do housework or cook and I used to love to cook for my family. Now it is just the easiest way out, weather that is frozen pizza or hamburger helper. I know this is awful and Im trying to figure out whats wrong with me. I feel irritable all the time, I don't want anyone to bother me and if they do I get snippy with them. And work? Are you kidding me? I dont want to do that either which is unusal for me becauase I love my job and there is really nothing strenuous about it. I just dont feel like being bothered with it. I could work more hours in the day if I didnt have to schedule my hours around my daily nap. I know, its pathetic isnt it? I get up at 5:45am most days to work, i work until 7:00 get my son up to go to school run him to the bus stop and then back home I go to be for a nap maybe 2 hrs on some days but usually at least an hr and a half. usually get up about again about 9:00 am or 10:00 which gives me plenty of time to do the housework before I work again, normally at noon. But what do I do? Sit around and watch TV until its time to work and get nothing else accomplished. I then work from noon to around 7pm at night sometimes 5 depends on how I'm feeling. After work I get something quick and simple for dinner then eat and lie around until its time to go to bed, usually at 9:30 or 10:00. I used to be one that liked to stay up late after everyone had gone to bed so I could watch TV or whatever with no one about. Now I think I get too much alone time and that bothers me. I'm not used to be alone in the house all day long and I have been for the last year and I don't like it. What I am trying to figure out is, am I depressed or am I just lazy. I don't know what depression feels like as it has never happened to me before so I don't know. I have some of the symptoms, I guess but not all of them. Ive thought about talking to my Dr about it and maybe getting on an antidepressant but to be honest, I'm scared to death of them. I don't want to get addicted to something and then have another problem on my hands. So what do I do...... That is my deleama right now. I know, no one can figure this out but me and that is what I am trying to do but it has me puzzled. I don't like feeling this way all the time. Im thinking I need to just pull my self up by the boot straps kick my self in the ass and get busy. This is not an easy task as I am finding out. I suppose I need to just get rid of my pride or embarrassment or whatever it is and talk with my Dr about it. I think i will do that on my next visit, that is all I need, another pill to take. I can just add it to the pharmacy of other medication that I have to take.
Until next time,