Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tragedy struck our family on November 1st 2007. A day that will live in my mind forever. It all started out as a normal day, The night before we had all went out trick or treating, Cayden his 12 yr old brother Janson and his little cousin Logan. Cayden of course was dressed as.... you guessed it... Superman. That morning Cayden came down stairs after he woke up, just like he did every morning and said the same thing he always said to me. What are we going to eat today. He loved to eat and there wasn't anything he didn't like. I fixed him his favorite, french toast sticks with syrup that he ate while he watched Superman. Janson was in school, Jordan was still in bed and Josh my oldest son lives in Illinois so he don't live with us. The hubby was at work so it was just me and Cayden. After he ate his breakfast he played around the house for awhile watched Superman some more and talked. He was very good at talking and did so alot. Janson came home from school about 3:45 as he did everyday and Cayden was waiting on him so they could play. They wanted to go out in the back yard to throw water balloons so they took out the balloons and proceeded to soak each other. I could hear the roars of laughter coming from the back yard and I knew they were having fun. They stayed in the back yard playing for about an hr and a half maybe longer, they came in for a bit got a snack and then asked if they could go over to the park and play. The park was literally feet from my front door, I could go to the front door look out and see the whole park. I was working at the time, and I told them to go ahead and go play but to be back in an hour. Cayden went to the garage got out his little Styrofoam bat and ball, came to me kissed me and asked, are you happy mom are you happy? He did this alot. I kissed him told him of course I was happy and to have fun. 15 min or so went by and then scary feeling came over me, I cant describe it, i just felt something was not right. Jordan my 20 yr old had just came down stairs at that time and i asked him if he would go out and check on those boys. He went out the door and in what seemed like seconds I heard him screaming Oh my God call 911. I grabbed the phone and ran to the door. I saw him running across the yard carrying Cayden in his arms saying he has been hit by a baseball in the chest. He then said hold on i think he is ok I think he just got the wind knocked out of him. When he got him close to me I could see he was gasping for air and not conscience. I called 911 and started telling the operator what had happened. There was a little boy and his dad at the park and the little boy was throwing a baseball at a pitch back net. Janson had Caydens hand and he broke away from him and ran in front of the ball as it was being pitched at the net and it hit him in the chest. The 911 operator told me to have Jordan lie Cayden down on the floor, about that time the boys father that threw the ball came over too. I was so emotional and upset I couldn't talk to the 911 operator so she asked me to give the phone to someone else. I gave it to the little boys dad who talked with her and then started CPR as Cayden was turning blue. The ambulance showed up within 3 min. But it seems like 3 hrs to me. I had called hubby who was on his way home anyway and he showed up shortly after. They scooped Cayden up off the floor and ran with him to the ambulance. They worked on him for awhile using the defibrillator and doing other things, not sure what but after what seemed like forever they came out and said they were transporting him to the hospital. I asked if I could go in the ambulance with them but they told me no. This really upset me, This is my 4 yr old baby in there and they wont even let me go to comfort him. We got in our own car and followed them. Of course they got there faster than us because they had their lights and sirens on. When we arrived at the hospital there was no place to park in the emergency parking lot. I told hubby just to pull up somewhere and park we didn't have time to look all night so that is what we didn't, I didn't really care if we got a ticket or not, that was not my concern at that time. We went into the hospital told the guy at the door who we were there for an he let us back. When we walked to the back there were dozens of Dr's and nurses standing outside this one room. they all looked at us as we walked in and asked if we were there for Cayden. we said yes they said a dr will be with you shortly, a Dr said I can speak with them now. He walked over to us and said it doesn't look good. Hubby said did you say it doesn't look good and he said yes I'm sorry we have the finest working on him now and that is all i remember besides someone pushing a wheel chair under me sitting me down asking if i was ok. They lead us to this small room where a man came in asked if we needed anything and told us they would be with us when they learned something more. Minutes later that same Dr came in again and said I'm sorry we did all we could do he didn't make it. OMG the feeling that swept over me at that moment. My world collapsed and I didn't know what to do. the whole room was spinning and i was in total shock. It cant be true your wrong you got the wrong person my baby cant be dead i said to him. Your lying to me don't play these games i don't believe you. I'm sorry ma'am. he said. Sorry i thought, sorry doesn't even begin to help. As long as i live I will never forget that Dr's face. I had to get out of there the room was closing in on me and i felt as if i was going to lose it at any moment. I told hubby who was beside himself with pain that I had to go outside or I was going to pass out. The Dr said someone will be in to talk with you shortly if you need anything at all let us now. I want my son back I said can you do that for me? Then i existed the room and went outside. By that time everyone in the whole place knew I had just lost my precious baby. As i was sitting outside trying to comprehend it all people kept coming up to me saying I'm sorry and trying to comfort me. It was of course not helping. I wanted my mom who was thousands of miles away from me. I wanted her to be here and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Then I thought, my mom and dad how am I going to tell them, my brothers Danny's mom and brother. How do you tell someone that their grandson, or nephew is gone? Someone came in to talk to us again I don't remember who as everything was a fog to me from here on out. I remember they said Cayden would be taken to the medical examiners to have an autopsy done and we should call them when we had decided on a funeral home to have him taken to. We had to speak to the police because this was an accident and they wanted to know what had happened as well, they said they had already been to our house to speak with our sons, Then I realized no one had called my sons they were at home waiting to be told what was going on. Just then the Danny's cell rang and it was Jordan and he had to tell him the news, I could hear the screams come out of the other end of the phone and that killed me. What do I do? How can I comfort my other children and tell them everything was going to be ok when i didn't know that myself. They told us we could go in and see Cayden, I wanted to I really did but I just could not bring myself to go in there and look at his cold lifeless body, My hubby went in and to this day i regret my decision not to go in and see him and tell him goodbye. that will haunt me for my lifetime. I just hope and pray that he knew I was there with him through it all, even though they wouldn't let me go back and be with him I hope he knew i was there. That bothers me as well not knowing if he knew mommy and daddy where right there with him.
Finally after what seemed like forever, we were finished talking with people and they told us we could go home. GO home? What? I cant go home without my baby are you kidding me? I cant leave him here in this hospital all alone. No I'm not going home I'm staying. With lots of gentle talking hubby convinced me that I had to go home and be with my other children, as much as I hated to leave him, I knew I had to. We left and got home my other children were so distraught , janson was beside himself with guilt saying I should have never taken him to the park. I called my family and Danny let his know. That was so hard but we got through it. The next day all of my family from Illinois and Some of Danny's family from Ohio were here to be with us. It helped alot to have the love of family to be here to support us and help us thought this rough time.
It has now been over a year since I lose my precious baby, not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him so much. Jason is still in counseling to help him deal with what happened and I think it has helped him alot. We talk about Cayden everyday, I refuse to let anyone forget him. This has taught me many things, one is to never take loved ones for granted, it isn't a given that they will be here from one moment to the next. I have to say this is the biggest challenge I have ever had to face in my life, I'm learning and still grieving, which I know I always will. I have grown as a person I think, I have more compassion for others now and I feel their pain literally. Each moment I get to spend with my family and friends is precious and I treasure each and everyone. Please everyone. Spend time with family and friends let them know how you feel about them and don't hold grudges, if you have a loved one you have fallen out with, please find it in your heart to forgive and love them once again. Life is too short for hate. Cayden had 4 short year to be here with us but he gave us enough love for a life time. He touched many peoples lives and taught alot of valuable lessons. Be the best person you can be as well.
Until next time,
Until next time,
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Bye for now
Kisses until next time...
Monday, January 12, 2009
Until next time,
Friday, January 09, 2009
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
How do a fool and his money GET together?
Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
What are Preparation A through Preparation G?
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
How come there aren't B batteries?
If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?
Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Splendid Years with Cayden - 2003 ~2007
Cayden was a happy lad
He loved to jump and play
Just to see his gentle smile
Would brighten up the day.
His blonde hair glistened in the sun
As he ran here and there
Always busy, things to do
He had but not a care.
Cayden loved his brothers so
They took him to the park
Football, swimming, all day long
Until the sky grew dark.
He was the youngest boy of four
Oh how he liked to ride
4 wheeling was quite the thing
He loved to be outside.
Josh and Jordon, Janson too
Would go to Illinois
With little Cayden right behind
The house filled up with boys.
Grandma Phyllis, Grandpa too
The time with them was great
Tractor riding, horses too
He could hardly wait.
Peaches was a special dog
Who lived on Grandpa’s farm
He loved to chase her round the yard
As Peaches grabbed his arm.
Grandma Jean was special too
Much to his delight
She would let him stay up late
When he would spend the night.
Cayden liked to hide from Mom
As she looked everywhere
Made no sound, till he was found
It gave her quite a scare.
Are you happy, he would ask
He’d go the extra mile
He wanted so to see mom glow
And bring about her smile.
Cayden waited every night
What special times they had
T.V. time was at its prime
Watch “Super Man” with dad.
Computer whiz at four years old
He found fun games to play
He couldn’t wait to go to school
Like brothers did each day.
His favorite toy was Baby Tad
He took it everywhere
At bedtime when he fell asleep
They saw it laying there.
Cayden’s gone to heaven now
No longer does he hide
For angels keep an eye on him
They’re walking by his side.
No 4-wheelers or Baby Tad
No swimming with the boys
No playing football at the park
No laughter and no noise.
No tiny footsteps in the hall
No book bag by the door
God took him one November day
When he was only four.
He’s living like a little prince
Above this early sod
He’s walking with the King of Kings
His Super Man is God.
I'm afraid of spiders.
I am the mother of 4 boys
I have diabetes and high blood pressure.
I work from home, in my pjs most of the time.
I love Dr. Phil. Oprah, not so much.
I am addicted to the internet.
I have a cat named Sophie.
I am a pessimist, my glass is always half empty.
I drink way too much coffee.
I have a mad passion for glazed doughnuts, too bad I cant eat them anymore.
Im not a pushover.
I value my friends and family very much.
I was spoiled as a child.
I hate my house.
I lost 25 pounds since may but im still fat.
I dont have any use for lazy people.
I had my first child when I was 17.
I met my current hubby online in a chat room.
My dream is to some day be able to visit England.
My children mean the world to me.
I am not afraid of dying.
I despise hot weather.
I dont like getting water in my face.
I have a heart murmer.
I lost my youngest son to a tragic accident in 2007
I still cry about it every day.
I am a very sensitive and kind hearted person.
I wish I hadnt had my tubes tied.
Honesty is very important to me.
I cant see to drive at night.
I drive a mini van.
I talk alot (really?)
I have a good sense of humor.
My favorite movie is Mask and not the Jim Carrey one
I hate the taste of beer.
I love to shop.
I love to sleep.
There are more but im bored with this already.
Did i mention I get bored very easily.
I work from home, and have done so for many years, its really nice to be able to get out of bed, stay in your pjs and go right to your computer to work. There are upsides to working and home and downsides as well but for the most part i love it. The company I work for is amazing and I can't imgaine ever wanting to do anything else.
For the most part, I think I am a likeable person, I do tend to be sarcastic and pessimistic alot of the time but I usually make friends easily and keep them for a good long time. I have some great online friends that I have met through my work. I couldnt ask for a better group of people. Alot of them have been here for me through my rought times and helped me tremendously. They know who they are. :) I am an honest person sometimes brutaly honest I guess, or so I have been told but i figure why lie, just get the truth out there. If someone asks me do I look fat, and I think they do, well what else can you say but yes. Not very nice I know, just the way I am. I don't let anyone walk over me, I learned that from my dad, I dont let the telemarkerters and sales people try to talk me into buying something I am not intersted in I have learned to shut them down very quickly and thank god for that. If I left all of that up to my hubby we would have shit loads of things we dont need. ( not that we dont have that now but they are things I wanted) I love the internet, (too much I think) I think it was the best invention since chocolate cake and I didnt think it got much better than that. Ive been online since 1998 and online is actually where I met my hubby, in febuary of 1999 in a chat room called American Singles. Ask me about it sometime I will tell you.
I was born and raised in Illinois, your typical midwest farm girl. My dad in fact, was and still is, a farmer and my mom, a stay at home mom, Both of my parents are wonderful and did a great job raising my brothers and I. I have 2 brothers both of whom are younger than me. My parents are still married they just celebrated their 44th wedding anniversary last month. I guess you could say I was spoiled as a child, Not to the point of being bratty or anything but we did get pretty much what we wanted. Not new cars or anything like that but if we went to the store and wanted a toy we usually got it. My parents provided for us well. (thanks mom and dad) My paretns were there for me through good and bad and supported me with everything I choose to do, even if they were bad choices, and did i ever make some of those.
6 yrs ago i moved and I love it here, I moved here to be with the love of my life. That was a very hard thing for me, being from a small town (population 525) I couldnt imagine moving to the city and ever liking it here. I took the big plunge anyway and 6 yrs ago in october he flew up to get me and we drove my car back down loaded down with kids and stuff. My oldest was 19 at the time and had a job there in illinois and his own place so he stayed there. Was so hard to leave him behind and my parents all my family and friends too but I was looking for a new life and I found it here. Still miss my family horribly and wish I could see them more but I love it here and this is where I belong.
In dec 2002 I found out I was pregant, Not something we had really planned, but not something we had tried to prevent either. We were both very happy about it, You see ,hubby had never had children when I met him nor had he ever been married so this would be a first for him. I had a very good pregnancy even though i was 37 which they told me was a little old to be having kids, (bah what do they know) no complications to speak of and the delivery went great. We had a 9lb2oz bouncing beautiful baby boy we called Cayden Daniel and what a joy he was. He was good right from the start, slept well didnt make much fuss very easy going child. He looked like daddy too and that made him proud. As he got older he became even more delightful, he was the adventurous sort loved to get into everything and know how things worked. Very smart too. When he was 3 yrs old he knew how to navigate his way around the computer and go to my favorites and choose nickelodeon.com to play his games. around age 3 is when he started liking superman a love in which daddy introduced to him and he was a fanatic. Loved everything superman couldnt get enough. Cayden loved and was loved by everyone, he never met a stranger he would talk to anyone. Tragedy stuck our family on Nov 1 2007. That day will live in my mind forever as it is permanatly etched there. We lost Cayden when a ball that someone was throwing at a pitchback net in the park struck him in the chest and stopped his heart. Our lives have changed forever but we are making it through with the love and support of each other family and all of our friends.
So that brings us to where we are today, life has changed for us no doubt, but we are still moving forward and trying to live life to the fullest. There you have it that is a little bit about me. Hope you enjoy